It's been four years and I still can't believe she's gone. I cannot escape the feeling that it wasn't supposed to happen this way. She wasn't supposed to die for a long time. She was supposed to dance at my daughter's wedding. Disbelief still fills my heart and mind.
And it would seem my subconscious agrees (or is a real douche-canoe)...
I've filmed a movie and it's the premier. I attend, tricked out in an expensive designer dress to dazzle my fans.
But, for some reason there is no red carpet...
I sit watching the movie, planning my Golden Globe acceptance speech (we all know how the academy feels about comedies). Then I see the final scenes...
Who the hell changed the damn ending?
That wasn't what we filmed! We filmed a comedic feel-good movie not an f*ing tragedy! The lights come on in the theater and I look at my co-stars, who are dabbing their eyes, completely oblivious to the fact that we never filmed those scenes.
I stand in front of them waving my well manicured hands. "Hello, we didn't film this, remember? They must have used some kind of F/X magic and Gumped us into the end of another movie!"
I get no response, it's like they don't even see me (which would mean I spent a hell of a lot on this Armani dress for nothing).
I stalk over to the director. "Alright buddy, I've heard of artistic license, but this is twaddle. This is not the ending I filmed. I'm going to talk to my agent."
My director also fails to notice me.
How am I going to win a Golden Globe if no one can even see me?
- I shit you not, that was the thought that went through my head -
Finally, I grab my phone and call the screenwriter. The one person who can tell why the damn scripted was changed. It rings and then I hear. "The number you have dialed has been disconnected or is no longer in service."
I look at my phone and scream.
At that point, I wake up and realize it was just a dream. Mom's just fine, in fact she calls me to say hello. Life is good.
Then I really wake up and it's all true, well except for the whole movie filming thing.
My mother is really gone. Even now it still feels like a punch in the gut.
And I still want to find the damned screenwriter!